- 24/7: A relationship in which protocols
are in place continuously.
- Animal
transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub
entering the altered mindspace of a different species, typically a dog, pony or horse.
- Abrasion:
Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
- Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or
play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous
events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in
touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin
high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper
aftercare can lead to subdrop as these
return to more everyday levels.
- Ageplay:
Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not
usually include or imply aspects of incest,
but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or
teacher/student.
- Anal torture:
The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
- Animal Play: The sub acts or
dresses like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).
- Auctioned off: Dominant
auctions off the slave to the highest bidder (usually
supervised and for temporary use).
- Bad pain
(1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often
quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some
pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Bad pain"
is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not
wished for, and of limited or no value in this context.
- Bad pain
(2): Good pain and bad pain refer to pleasant vs. unpleasant pain. As a
"vanilla" example, imagine soreness after a good workout at the gym
versus the pain of breaking a leg. Research by Jay
Wiseman has suggested a correlation between perception of "bad pain"
during BDSM play and subsequent injury.
- BDSM:
Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism
- Black sheet
party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.
- Bondage: Acts involving
the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total
restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
- Bottom: submissive or one who gives up
control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a top in a
scene.
- Breast bondage: The act of tying female breasts so that
they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge.
- Breath
Control: The dominant controls the submissive's breathing.
- Butt
plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. The
flared base allows for safe anal penetration. They come in a variety of
sizes; some can vibrate.
- Chastity:
A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from
access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or
choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity
belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is
controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
- Cock and ball torture (CBT): Torture
of the male genitals for sexual gratifcation.
- Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned,
usually (but certainly not exclusively) in a loving intimate
relationship. A dominant may have multiple persons collared. Also: a pup's status, as differentiated from a "stray".
- Collaring: The formal acceptance by a Master, of a slave's service, or the "ownership" of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony
when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other
contract).
- Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship.
- Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual
agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other
restrictions, and common sense, consent will be given as read without
foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of
trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know
each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their
activities.
- Contract: A written-out agreement between
the dominant & submissive. It can be either formal or non, and is
usually written after much negotiation by the dominant and the sub,
outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the
relationship are agreed upon by the two. It is not legally binding.
- DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers
to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety.
- Dom: Man or woman who exercises control (from dominant-contrast with sub)
- Dominant Man or woman who exercises control - contrast with
submissive
- Domme:
Woman who exercies control (see also Dominatrix)
- D/s: Dominance/submission
- Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area
with BDSM equipment and play space
- Edgeplay:
SM play which pushes the limits of the persons involved. This can be
potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or
breath play. Skill and experience can minimize the risk.
- Endorphin
rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high"
people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and
is the body's response to heightened or intense experiences of certain
kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the
endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure
that subdrop does not
occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.
- Erotic sexual denial: keeping another
person aroused while delaying or preventing
resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of
anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity.
(see also tease and denial and chastity).
- Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in
one object or experience.
- Fire play: Using flammable liquids to create
quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Risk of
injury is increased and the top should be learned with fire play skills.
- Genitorture:
Torture of the genitals
- Good pain
(1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM
practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often
quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and
some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Good
pain" is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by
the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of
enjoyment or value.
- Good pain
(2): Good pain and bad pain refer to perception of pain as pleasant vs.
unpleasant. Sensations that non-practioners imagine to be painful are
instead perceived and described by BDSM practitioners as pleasurable or a
good form of pain, in much the way that muscles after a workout at the
gym may be sore, but in a good way. The transition of perception from
"bad pain" to "good pain" may require a warm up beforehand.
- Golden
showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
- Gorean:
A sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices created within the
world of Gor
in the erotic novels by John
Norman. Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender based roles
which is considered by many to be in conflict with BDSM where there is
freedom for either gender to act in any role (Male/Female as either
Dom/sub or Top/bottom)
- Gunplay:
The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.
- Handkerchief codes: Visible signs to
indicate to others your area of BDSM interest
- Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not
do, usually non-negotiable.
- Harem:
A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
- Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such
as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
- Infantilism: Parent/child or
parent/baby role playing.
- K-9 roleplay:
- Knife
play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and
points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon
plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.
- Limits: What someone "won't" do or is hesitant
to do
- Masochism: Act of receiving pain for
sensual/sexual pleasure.
- Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually
sexually.
- Master/slave: A consensual relationship
in which one person receives control (the Master) when given it by
another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An extreme form of D/s
which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period
of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a
collar from their Master to show that they are owned.
- Mummification: Immobilising the body by
wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic
sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately
taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and
nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may
also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be
important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total
bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
- Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a
"vanilla" place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement
like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's"
- Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles
of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
- Nose torture: A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often
involving nose hooks.
- Nyotaimori:
Human sushi platters.
- OTK: Over
the knee (spanking).
- Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but
may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
- Paraphilia
- Play party: A BDSM event involving many
people engaging in scenes.
- ProDom:
Male professional dominant
(charges money)
- ProDomme:
Female professional dominant
(charges money)
- Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit,
with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or
behave like a pony.
- Pup-play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks,
whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is sexual, but also focuses on
the altered mind-space of bottom/pup and the complete dominance of
his/her Trainer/Master.
- RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
- Rape fantasy, ravishment: The pleasurable fantasy of
inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.
- Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
- Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain,
usually sexually.
- Safe, sane and
consensual - SSC
- Safeword
- When a participant utters a safeword, BDSM activity stops.
- Scat play: Feces play
- Scene: A time period of BDSM activities. Also used to refer
to the BDSM community ("the Scene").
- Sensation play: BDSM play where the
intent is to push people's sensory limits, thus exploring texture,
sensory deprival, through to whips, flaggillation and edgeplay.
- Service-oriented
submission: A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or
BDSM environment
- Slave: A person (usually submissive) who
consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects of their
life to another person (their Master)
- Soft Limits:
Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can
sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be
negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene.
- Subdrop: A
physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced
by a submissive after an intense
session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best
prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
- submissive, or "sub" for short. Person that
gives up control either all the time or for a specified period (Not to
be confused with "bottom.")
- Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub (or
bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel
disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited
ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/top take
responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub's wellbeing
if they are in subspace.
- switch: Someone who likes being both top and
bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.
- Taken in hand:
24/7 Male dominance in monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM
aspects.
- Tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the
feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and
inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial).
- Tit torture: The act of causing deliberate physical pain to
the breasts and nipples.
- TNG: The Next
Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations which cater
to younger people involved in BDSM, typically ages 18–35.
- Top: Person "doing the action" (contrast with bottom -
person receiving the action.) Not to be confused with Dom which is the
person who "puts the scene together". A male Dom could enjoy CBT and tell a sub what they are to do. In this
case the Top is the submissive (following the direction of the Dom) and
the bottom is the Dom (receiving the attention of the top)
- Topping from the bottom: A bottom who
purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
- TPE or Total power exchange: a
relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority and
influence over the submissive's life, making the majority of decisions.
- Training:
Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing
effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
- Vanilla: Someone who is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively,
sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is
sometimes used in a derogatory sense.
- Warm up: The period at a beginning of a BDSM scene which involves
gentle play, allowing the bottom to begin endorphin production, enter subspace, and undergo physiological changes (such as
bringing fluids to the surface before impact play) that will accommodate
more intense play.
- WIITWD:
What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of
alternative sexuality.
- Wax
play: The top drips hot wax on the bottom.
Note that some people in the BDSM community begin dominant terms with
an upper case, for example: Top, Master, Dom, Domme, etc., as well as
to begin submissive terms with a lower case, even where normally
incorrect, chiefly in acronyms and abbreviations, such as D/s for
Dom/sub.
In addition, high protocol refers to groups or individuals
that adhere to strict roles and role-based rules of conduct, whereas low
protocol refers to groups or individuals that are more relaxed. Old
Guard refers to high protocol groups, particularly gay leather BDSM
groups: see Old Guard leather.
See also the BDSM Dictionary
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